what a fine smoking jacket

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You have to go.

This blog is a year old today. Happy birthday blog - I was going to post a picture of a birthday balloon but instead here is a sad post about what happens when you eat too much birthday cake, jelly and other party foods.

Science geeks

Science Geeks

The Plockton Exhibiton opens on Friday - and the word on the street is that its going to be very good. Obviously chuffed to have work in the show and also equally chuffed that our book is on sale there and doing very well. For those of you who haven't yet had a chance to purchase "Hole in my Pocket - Sketchbooks volume 1" then fear not as there is still a supply left in stock - though not sure how many more print runs there will be with work now progressing on volume 2. Wy not check out the extracts and if you still want a copy then send us an email.

cover

extract 1

extract 2

extract 3

extract 4

back cover

more things i made

Battle Elephant

The Storytelling Machine

Just recieved this copy of an image of the Storytelling Machine in postion. Hard to make it out, but it does look suitablly old and spooky.

Plockton ideas

Where the animals hide (2007)

Inital colour test sketch for a painting inspired by the book "The testement of Gideon Mack." Will try and complete this and a further series of 6 paintings by this time next week.

Hmmm can't decide if pen and ink overlaid looks good or not http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1277/589423855_fab8a2ee37_o.jpg

Wormy

I'll be showing work as part of the Plockton Gallery show from the 14th of July. Plockton is a beautiful place like a pirates cove and the gallery has a fantastic array of work every year. I'm really looking forward to being part of it. For more info - direcitons openings times etc follow the link. www.plocktongallery.co.uk

The man with a cardboard box for a head

Explorations

On Monday night we went to hear a talk by explorer extraordinaire Sir Ranolph Fiennes. He gave a rather excellent account of several of his amazing explorations around the world - the main one being his trip around the Earth on its axis. Starting in the UK heading south through Antarctica and the south pole, then back up the other side, though the north pole and back home to UK. The whole talk was illustrated with amazing photos of some of the places he had been and some rather disturbing images, explained in a Sir Ranpolph's very dry black sense of humor showing some of the disasters/ injuries and diseases that befell them on the three year journey. These injuries included the skin on the soles of the teams feet going gangrenous and falling off, blisters on hands freezing up to the size of tennis balls, loosing fingers by not being careful when going to the toilet and people cracking their heads and their eyes filling with blood. To give an idea of the tone of the talk Sir Ranolph finished this segment by saying that after the eye blood problem his team mate just wouldn't stop whinging.

After the talk we stayed around for the free wine and some of the best canopy treats ever . The little tiny raspberry cheese cake was one of the tastiest things I've eaten. All in all a very interesting night - even including bumping into the most boring man in the world during the networking. Not realising why you recognise him until its to late and you have engaged him in conversation. Lucky I ran out of cake and did a runner, leaving the others to entertain him.

Shetland is open

Hmmm it was the opening of the new Shetland gallery and museum yesterday for which I designed the above storytelling machine. Sadly I didn't get to go to the opening or I could have met up with Charlie and his mrs and the Queen of Norway. Instead I had to make do with listening to a tour of the new museum on Front Row on Radio 4 - click here to hear it for yourself.

EDIT: Whoops the link didn't work - is now fixed

travels with my trolley

Our short film - Seanchaidh which charts our adventures around Scotland with an air-hostess trolley full of wine - is showing as part of the "Going Places" exhibition at the Riverhouse Barn, Manor Road, Walton from the 30th of May until the 24 June. To find out more visit www.riverhousebarn.co.uk

Cars are bad

Transport in Glasgow and Scotland as a whole is a bit of a mess. Our neighbours across in mainland Eurpoe seem to have it so much better sorted. Not only do many of these countries have clean, efficent, reliable and cheap transport systems many are also intergrated and you can by a single ticket that will cover your travel on any mode of public transport within a city for the whole day. Glasgow on the other hand has a quite bewildering range of different companies fighting for your attention and your pennies. This could however be about to change as Glasgow City Council has just advertised a job for someone to work with the various companies and develop some kind of smart card system.

The above is all sounding good but there is also worrying news that the largest bus company has raised their ticket prices again and an all day ticket which not long ago was £1.80 will now be £3. Pretty steep rise to use a slightly smelly and opften not brilliant service when the company in question posted profits last year of £210million.

See my previous car rant here.

Last summer

Last Summer (2007)
clay, cement, wire [45cm x 10cm] Inspired by a poster for the band the Wrens.

Went to see a talk by Demos yesterday about their project "Glasgow 2020" it was very interesting and the discussion about positive change and action in Glasgow was quite enheartening, but I am unsure exactly what action or direction their results suggest. They did hand a out free copies of the report in book format so I shall look forward to reading this and finding out about their conclusions.

From the talk last night what it seems to boil down to, is that they do not believe that the current plans for Glasgow regeneration are working and may actually be harmful in the long term. To find out more about them and the project and make up your own mind visit www.demos.co.uk

religous enlightenment

viking

Viking (2007)
Clay, cement, wire [45cm x 10cm]

I remembered a story the other day about the time a few years ago when I was asked to go to a big corporate pub quiz event as the representitive of our office. I was the guest of this engineering company we worked with and they picked me up to drive to the hotel where the event was on.

Now, I'm not the best passenger in the world, I tend to get car sick quite quickly even on this most gentle of rides. There were four of us in the car, me and some guy I didn't know in the back and two people in the front. The driver wasn't the best, and did quite a lot of weaving in the road and did a lot of accelerating and then hard braking. Within a few minutes of getting on the road, I started to feel quesy. The car was roasting as they had the heating on full blast so I tried to put down the windows only to discover that thay didn't work. I sat there feeling worse and worse, either too embarrassed or just feeling too ill to think properly and ask them to stop. I think the later cloudyness of the brain due to illness was pretty high as I started to search the back of the car for something to be sick into. But the car was spotless inside and I didn't have a bag or anything with me. For some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to take my shoe off and use this. I am not sure of the logic behind this decision. I am not sure if I thought it would be less embarrasing to be sick into a shoe rather than ask them to stop. So there I am, in a car with four people I don't really know, speeding through the Scottish Countryside with a shoe in my hands and watching the other back seat passenger out the corner of my eye to make sure he hasn't noticed the shoe. He didn't.

Luckily the knowledge of having the shoe ready, just in case, was enough of a placebo and I managed to survive the evening unscathed. Just as well as I have no idea what I would have done with the shoe once we arrived?

red bird

Lemon tree

My lemon tree has bloomed again which gave the room a lovely just cleaned smell. The lemons from last years bloom are now a bright yellow and are quite swollen and look ready for picking. Just in time for some fresh lemonade on the roof this summer. yum.

Neighbours

I had a very enjoyable weekend at a screen printing class - where I screen printed a nice image of some numbers and shapes. Turned out reasonably well - slight problem with the outline seperation but that was just due to the quality of the original print.

I also found out that my sculpture "pirate wood" has made it into the RSA show in Edinburgh. The opening was last Friday, but I found out to late and missed it. Never mind its on until the 20th of June.

hundreds and thousands

Last night I learned that if you drop a jar of "hundreds and thousands" onto a tiled floor then it takes over an hour to clean them up. I also learned that a hover is no use as when it passes over the tiny sweets it fires them round the room like a machine gun.

stamp stamp stamp stamp

I bought a date stamp yesterday. Its great, I've been date stamping everything I can get my hands on.

Hold the page

Bookmark - designed for an exhibition of artist created bookmarks at Leeds Library. The call asked that you look at ways to use the bookmark as a source of inspiration to create new work and to recirculate ideas. My design has holes, which when overlaid onto the page create an abstract poem from the book being read. The user is then asked to write this poem on a scrap of paper and leave in the book for the next person to find. If you'd like a bookmark yourself, then click here to download and print one out.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/200/465101731_532294e9ca_b.jpg

ps - the holes are a nightmare to cut out - my fingers are still killing me

pps - I think I'll start posting links to other sites that i like at the bottom of posts. Like for example today go visit - http://www.martin-munoz.com/main.html

Cambridge

We had a grand time in Cambridge. Only there three days but we managed to cram lots in - a massage on my shoulder, a punt, assisting the sausage man, port in the guest lodge of st johns collage, a wander at night around the bridge of sighs, a wedding in the grand hall, books from the market, many hours of sleeping in the sun and a visit to some baby ducks in the Botanic Gardens. I think Ann liked the ducks the best.

When i grow up

I've always been suspicous of people who say they can read your fortune.

Firstly because I don't believe they actually can. (For if they can see the future, why are none of them millionaires on the lottery.)

My second concern is that if it does works, and they really can see what is going to happen to me, do I really want to know anyway, or would knowing what the future holds take all the fun out of it?

I need to start making some proper pictures. These little doodles are just not real work.

The priest in the night

Two nights ago I went to meet this journolist for a quick drink after work and to chat about his new book.Then I went to Anns to pick up an empty bbq gas cylinder.

Then I went to ASDA where despite only planning on buying one thing, I became zombified for nearly an hour and a half. When I finally went over to pay for all my items. The girl at the counter had lost her voice. Resulting in much comedy as I can't understand a word shes trying to whisper to me. A very stilted conversation follows.

Eventually I leave and drive to the flat, where I get gav to give me a hand up the stairs with my purchases. I stick a lasange in the oven and go to park the car.

As I drive round the corner I meet my mate Duire. Durie has been at a NHS training class where he and his fellow nurses have been learning to do self defence. The class finished at 2pm and the nurses have all been drinking since then. He is pretty hammered, giggling and stepping on and off the pavement. I go over to chat to him.

We are standing having a laugh when we hear someone calling over to us for help. We look round but can't see anyone. The call comes again and this time we spy a head poking over the bonnet of a car. We walk over. There is a large man the size and shape of robbie coltrane with crazy birds nest hair. He is sitting on one of those motorised vechicles for the disabled. He is dressed in full kilt and jacket which is covered in various scottish and religious pins. He is also a priest.

Turns out, he is having vechicle trouble. The motorised machine keeps conking out. He asks if we can give him a small push to get it going. We are rather sceptical of this working as the cart is battery powered but we agree. We position our selves at the back and on the count of three we push and push and push but nothing happens appart from the veins in our necks popping out. "Oh wait" calls the priest, "I need to turn it on to get it to move. Lets try again"We're knackered already and Durie is still hammered and sniggering. He keeps looking around and saying we are on TV. I shush him.

We push again and after a few second it does start to move. It is so blooming heavy, its like moving a boulder. The cart then starts and he begins to drive off slowly. Thank goodness. "Cheers lads" he calls.

We look at each other with glad thats over expressions. Suddenly CRUNCH. The cart has stopped again. It has only moved about 2 metres "Oh lads, lads can you give me another push." So we go over and push again. Again it starts, again he drives off, again it gets 2 metres, again it breaks down. It does this over and over, each time it travels less and less.

We keep asking him questions about the cart. Is there a brake on it or something as its hardly moving when we push. Is it out of batteries, has it done this before. He doesn't often really listen and it seems his focus is quite wandering.

Eventually after 15 mins of pushing we manage to get the information that he only bought the cart today and is driving it home for the first time. And that he stays a good twenty five minute walk from where we are. We point out we can't push him all that way as its taken us over twenty mints to get 2 metres. We suggest a taxi but he says, thats what the subway men tried and no taxi would take him???

We then notice he has a box with all the cars kit and instructions in it and we suggest we push him into a nearby petrol station and see if they'll let him charge it up. He agrees and we begin pushing again. We then discover that he's got a flat tyre.

Duire is sniggering away and keeps muttering that its a setup and that the guy is a faker. I point out that he is a nurse and has a duty of care to help folk. And that the only way to find out if he is a faker is to call him on it and that I don't think either of us has the balls to accuse a disabled priest of being a liar.

As we near the petrol station I run ahead to check with them its ok. I go into the shop and say "excuse me mate, I've got a slight situation outside I was wondering if you could help me with. We've got a disabled priest in a kilt on a moterised cart and its broken down, could he come in a charge it up."The guy does look at me like i'm a mental but he agrees to help. He joins us in pushing. The three of us push and push and get him towards the door.

At this point the priest says. "Would it be easier if I got off and walked?" Is this guy taking the mick? We say yes and so he gets off and holds onto the handle bars as we push. He also turns the ignition key and the cart kicks on and zooms ahead dragging him along. It misses the door and bumps into a wall.We have to reverse it back into the shop. He hasn't quite mastered the contorls yet and it takes awhile to get in the door. Much to the annoyance of the customers trying to get in and the customers trying to get out.

Once inside we drive over to the nearest plug socket and he opens the case to get the charging cables. The cable is only about 30cms long. The socket is about a metre up the wall, it doesn't reach. The assistant goes to get an extentsion cable. But the priest refuses to use it as the one bit of advise the second hand cart salesman gave him was - don't use an extension cable.

We hunt the shop for a more accessible socket. Eventually, behind a display of easter eggs we find one. But to get to it, the cart has to be turned around. The priest begins to attempt a three point turn in the aisle. I finally loose it as he manages to get it stuck at 90 degrees in the aisle like a scene from austin powers. He also doesn't have full control so he keeps driving full force, into sheleves of sweets and easter eggs, knocking them down. He edges forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. The pressure cooker of emotion is to much for me and i just can't help but begin to giggle. The effort of trying to keep it in, causes tears to run down my face.

I compose myself long enough to make our apologies, hand over responsibility to the shop assistants and leg it.

Laughing Durie and I part at the door and I wander home to find my lasange burned. Doh

EDIT: In further news. Last night while we were having a pizza making party, ann nipped out to move her car and went into the petrol station to buy some tomato sauce and the priest was still sitting exactly where we had left him, in the same outfit. Has he even been home? Will he be there tonight? Will the excitement never end?

Snap

It is a funny thing that if two women are wearing the same outfit then it is a social disaster and the two women will make snidy comments about each other all night. Where if two men are wearing the same shirt, there is a every chance they will be best friends for life.

Had a fun weekend, planting a hundred seeds of different kinds of veggie in pots on the roof. I've expanded the selection this year to include corn, courgettes and parsnips. Fingers crossed they work. I was also at a 9 year olds birthday party where we played football for hours. My legs are killing me.